Allow me to introduce myself.

I’m 24, and I just moved out of the apartment that I shared with my ex-boyfriend of three years. I now live at home with my parents. Oh, and I am currently looking for a job so that I can use my handy-dandy degree that’s starting to collect dust. To be fair, though, I don’t entirely know what I want to do with my life anyway. I have found that this makes finding a job slightly more complicated.

I’m going to self-diagnose right now. I have a terrible case of growing pains.

I’m also going to skip all the pleasantries and get right to the point. It is fucking painful.

I keep hearing phrases like “You have to lose yourself to find yourself” or “When things feel like they are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.” Look, sometimes these types of sayings actually do make me feel better. However, they are not a remedy for the pain you may be feeling at the moment; they are more of a comforting Band-Aid situation.

The only thing that will genuinely heal is time. So gross.

While I may feel as though a version of myself has died and taken all the people and things which I found comfort in with it. I am okay. 

I know that I am okay because I keep waking up, I keep moving forward, and I keep going. I will undoubtedly survive this time in my life because I’ve already been doing it, yet that doesn’t change how truly uncomfortable it is. 

I’d say on a daily basis, I’m moving through about 10-15 different emotions. These include, but are not limited to, loneliness, joy, fear, excitement, doubt, anticipation, anxiety, nostalgia, confusion, and shame. That’s a lot to unpack in one day. Hence, these feelings have started creeping into my dreams as well. Ain’t no rest for the wicked, I suppose.  

I don’t know why nobody thought to prepare me for how confusing this time of my life would be. I can confirm my 20s thus far have been extremely fun, but shit, I’ve also been the most self-conscious I’ve ever been. 

I guess that’s life, and I’m just a growing girl taking each day as it comes. I’ve decided to share all the shit that’s in my head because why the fuck not? It’s therapeutic, so I hope you enjoy it.

And the next time someone tells me to take care, I just want them to know, I’m fucking trying to.